Some days are just harder then others and yesterday was one of those times. It’s not always easy to figure out when I can push Enzo to get to class and when he is just legitimately too sick. So again, we made the attempt yesterday. I dropped him off and hid in the hallway at his school, but when I peaked in 20 min’s later and he was hunched over in the corner trying not to cry and he had his little head in the trash can, I yanked him out of there as fast as I could and headed home. I felt terrible, there is nothing more embarrassing to him then getting sick in front of his peers. He does not let on to anyone, about what he is going through, and he has been hiding it pretty well for 3 years now.
We spent the rest of the day in the hospital and his ANC was over 8000 which is CRAZY. But the Dr said his WBC count is really high, so it is elevating his ANC number as well. And that more then likely he has yet ANOTHER virus he is fighting. This winter has been especially harsh and it seems like he hasn’t been able to escape a single thing that is “going around”. So sure enough we got home and he just got sicker and sicker. He was throwing up all night and he had a fever. He was panting in his sleep and just looked completely wiped out.
Unfortunately as we were arriving home from the hospital I got word from “Make A Wish” that it is has been officially confirmed that Ina Garten (the “Barefoot Contessa” ) has declined Enzo’s wish to meet her and cook a meal with her. I felt terrible for him, he has been unwavering in his desire to meet her for 3 years and despite many attempts to get him to pick a 2nd wish or change his mind he would not. Last year Ina gave a “soft no” supposedly because she had a 10 month book tour and they called and asked him what he wanted to do and he said “I will wait” and he did…As I wrote in last month’s update they came to our home again and tried to convince him to change his wish but he did not want to. Even yesterday when I told him the unfortunate news, his reply was simply “why doesn’t she want to meet me”? (As he is looking up at me with those big beautiful brown eyes). I COULD have said MANY things (ha!) Hey, this is MY lil boy, who has been waiting and so sweet and patient for THREE YEARS to meet her. I just tried to explain (even though her answer was simply “NO” and a blanket “NO” to granting ANY wish across the board…WOW). I tried to explain it was NOT personal, I guess she was just busy??? I tried to get him excited about swimming with dolphins instead, but he said “I still want her as my 1st wish, even if she doesn’t want me” L …Oh and… “I can’t swim”. So now I am trying to get him excited about the swim lessons he is about to start!
I would be lying if I said that I don’t find this to be shocking. To know that out of EVERY THING (material Enzo could choose to have), or ANY PLACE (in the world Enzo could travel to) and out of EVERY PERSON on this earth he chose Ina, and she cannot see what an honor that is. And he wanted to actually be with her for NO reason other then to have her company and cook with her. I actually feel badly for her because Enzo has NOTHING but pure love and intensions and she will never get to have that experience with him and she is missing out on something so authentic and beautiful.
The immediate reaction yesterday when word started to get out that Enzo’s wish got declined was like wild fire and so many people are upset and disgusted. I also know many boycotts have started and e-mails, letters, texts have been sent out. And I truly appreciate all the passion you feel and all the love and support you have shown Enzo. He has touched a lot of people and I feel truly blessed that we have been surrounded since DAY 1 (of his diagnosis) with people that are TRULY loving, generous and would give ANYTHING to make this easier for Enzo and even my family.
Enzo has ALWAYS had a rare and peaceful perspective on the world, his life, his situation and especially his cancer. This is a child who has NEVER wanted to hurt his cancer or “kick it’s butt” because he truly believes that in turn it will just cause more hurt and pain and that instead, giving it friendship and love will neutralize it and change it from bad cells to good cells and it will move on in peace. He still prays at night to “bless me and bless my cancer” and one of his main concerns and Q’s is; Where does his cancer go when it leaves his body? He is worried that it may leave his body and go to another child and he doesn’t want that. So he has spent a lot of time and energy “OM’ing” as he likes to call it, to try and move his cancer on to a neutral place where it cannot hurt anyone else.
Enzo has always been VERY tuned in and sensitive and forgiving, and in the spirit of that. I would hope that instead of anger about this situation that we can all just look around and figure out what we can do to make something easier, more peaceful or beautiful for someone else. I know Enzo would really love that! Ina’s mind has been made up and I TRULY feel like it is HER loss and as much as I didn’t want to disappoint Enzo by telling him after all this time, he is NOT someone who dwells on things or gets angry. When I was pregnant with him, a friend asked me if I could bless him with ANY quality what would it be? My answer was “resilience” and I can honestly say he is the most resilient person I know! Enzo is no stranger to disappointment and he will continue to walk forward and be strong. He will continue to look for things to be excited about regardless. After being up basically the whole night sick, he finally fell asleep and when he woke up this afternoon looked up at me, smiled and said “Well, I guess I better learn to swim”!!!
I am quite sure if you are reading this you are the kind of person who would understand what a tremendous honor it would be to have a child choose you for their M.A.W. I am honored knowing you care enough to read about my child and what he has been going through. Our family is TRULY blessed in EVERYWAY and I want to thank you again for all your love, passion, support.